23-year-old son moves out of his parents' house to not have to deal with them and their problems anymore, now his mom expects him to come back and move back in: 'I just want to be alone, and that doesn't mean I don't care about them'

Author image for María Cetra
María Cetra • Writer
Sep 25, 2026 1:00 PM EDT

You are allowed to build your own life. 

Being an adult involves several different things. From being able to drive and live on your own to being responsible for maintaining a job and paying your bills. It's the moment when a bunch of responsibilities you didn't even know existed become your, and just your, problem. Nobody can be by your side helping you all the time anymore. You are a functional, and sometimes not that functional, adult who has to manage yourself and be responsible for all the things that your parents were taking care of for you. You are not a little kid anymore, and that is a problem. But it's also a blessing. When we think of adulthood, we always think about the negative side of it, all the problems that it brings to your daily life. But we never really think of all the good things that come with it. And I can assure you, there are plenty. I never miss being a child and having someone else decide every step I take. Yes, I have a lot more on my plate than I used to, but that is exciting. I finally get to do whatever I want, and so do you. 

In the case of this kid, who is not a kid anymore, he has every right to decide what he wants to do with his life. Your parents are a part of your life, but they are also adults. They get to decide what they want to do and how they want their lives to be. And, if you are an adult, that doesn't involve you anymore. If they want to live with you and you want to live with them, then do so. But it's not your responsibility nor obligation to do that. You are entitled to decide what you want to do with your life. You have the right to move out, to make your own life choices, to be free from your parents. So stop thinking about what they want from you and think about what you actually want for yourself. You have every right to do your own life as you want to do it. 

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  • Am I wrong for leaving my parents to rot in their problems ?

    I (23 M) moved away from parents house last year with a promise of never going back to live with them. Now my mom trying to guilt trip me into not taking care of her using emotional manipulation. so we always had issues with my father and the more I lived in that house they only got higher and higher. I always defended mom not because she is mom but also she was right and dad was
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  • The family house seen from the outside.
    via Jacques Bopp

    The family house seen from the outside. 

  • unreasonable 98% of the time we argued. There was a point I realised I cannot keep fighting in there and I have to find my own live, life my own life at some point. So I applied to the furthest university from house and gladly found dorms too. before I leave I asked mom to come with me to the new city and we can be happy away from dad. she refused and I left. for a year I managed to keep a
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  • weak connection with them because it was super exhausting to even call them (group calls). as time pass by the situation got worse and now mom basically cannot live in that house. everytime I bring up divorcing him and moving away she doesn't agree (maybe culturally she thinks it's inappropriate) anyways she says she is waiting for me to graduate and then I could afford a house and she could live with me. with all the chaos going on
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  • she is not ready to give up on dad and I don't even think she would not invite him too. so the problem is not solving it's getting a new version. I honestly don't want to live with my parents again. I just want to be alone and that doesn't mean I don't care about them. I want them to be happy too. But all the time I talk to mom I feel like I did something wrong like I left mom there when I was supposed to be on her side and defend her forever. one part
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  • of me thinks I am selfish to leave like that. other part thinks I only did it to save myself living in a disgusting life like this. I hated every moment of that life and I do not get homesick at all. I never did. But right now everyday I think I should have done something different so mom shouldn't have to go through this like that.
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  • The silhouette of two people.
    via Tony Chen

    The silhouette of two people. 

  • Readabook23 Some people are toxic. Sometimes those people are your parents. I'm sorry.
    via Readabook23
  • thedarozine NTA they are adults that made choices. You need to do the same. You can live your mother without letting her marriage destroy your life too. Sometimes it's very dangerous for young people to stay too close to toxic family dynamics. This is one of those times. The toxicity becomes like a black hole that draws you back toward it don't let that pull ruin your life too! You can still love your mother and even your father, but protect
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  • yourself. It's not the child's responsibility to fix what's wrong with the marriage. And it's not possible either!
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  • Sherlzzy0421 NTA. She refuses to leave a toxic environment and just wants company in her misery. If she won't help herself then there is nothing you can do. Make the choice to protect your peace.
    via Sherlzzy0421
  • meifahs_musungs Your mom should have left dad long ago. Not your problem. You offered Mom escape and your mom chose to $stsy in prison ". Give your mom numbers to call when they ready to leave the bad marriage.
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  • whatsupitswalnut She is trying to pull you back in so she can share her misery with you, instead of putting her energy towards changing her situation. Protect yourself bc unfortunately you cant trust her to protect you. NTA
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  • mocha_lattes Your mom is a grown adult who is choosing to stay. That is on her. Stop being her emotional support. It's completely inappropriate to do that to a child. Set firm boundaries with her now. Her and dad will not come live with you after you graduate. You will not be having discussions with her about him or his behavior anymore. If she needs support she can speak to her friends or a therapist but you will hang up or not respond if she brings him up. NTA
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  • No_Shine_7224 NTA. Your parents are adults, tell them to adult. You shouldn't be expected to provide a house or secure a future for your mother.
    via No_Shine_7224
  • MoodOk4607 NTA. It was your mom's job to keep you safe and well and that means divorcing the man causing all the issues to keep your kids safe. It is NOT your job to save her. You tell her that she is not welcome in any house you live unless she is divorced from your father.
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  • trees-birds You cant fix someone else issues. It's time you told your Mom to not speak about anything about your Dad. She is very wrong to guilt trip you ever chance she gets. You know how he is, theres zero reason to keep hearing it. Make her stop. Do not make plans for her, make plans only for your future. Its ok to do so. Your Mom needs to figure out her own path and not involve you. Stop enabling her. If she refuses to stop dragging you down
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  • cut her off when she starts talking. Set boundaries now. Once she decides to leave, if ever, you can be there until then keep distance. Its your time to grow for YOU.
    via trees-birds

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